So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
