I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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