your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
