I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
