i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
