Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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