bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
