I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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