So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
