hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I look better un-naked...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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