Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
