I don't think brook has ever known best
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
