ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
