apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
