I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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