people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
