there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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