overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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