I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
