ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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