Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
