Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
