Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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