Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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