Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
