Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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