a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
