I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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