I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
