Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
