im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
