I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
