I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
