i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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