i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This house was built for laser tag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
