my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
