he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
