I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
