pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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