you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
