Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
