i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
