My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
