How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Panties = found
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
