So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
