I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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