all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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