looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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