This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
