my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
