so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
