No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
